Re-membering, Step by Step

A while ago a friend wrote to me saying ‘it must be very sad sometimes…’ given where I am, what I am witnessing and the seemingly small steps that I can take to help contribute…

‘Sure’, I wrote her back, ‘the pain and the suffering here are often very close… I find that among other things this journey is a very great lesson in non-judgement for me... if I stay in a broad kind of acceptance....I find it very easy and natural to stay in a place of Love and then I find I am very strong, I am peaceful and joyful sharing myself heart to heart with others, doing what I can…’


Some days I am better at it than others! Yesterday, for instance, is a day when I polarized in judgement. And I wept hard for it and tangled myself all up in feelings centered around my perceived inability to relieve some of the pain and suffering of a young, very sick boy. Watching his face contort as he took small calculated steps, leaning his chin on his crutch for balance with every limp onward, knowing that earlier in the day, coming from a village in the mountains where I visited him last week, he had taken hundreds of such steps up a steep, winding path and down a narrow ravined road to reach some kind of over crowded transportation that brought him to the center in Mbale for a check up, knowing that he is orphaned and has a rare incurable cancer, is HIV+, knowing that after our time together he would make the very long, slow and painful journey back to the place where he stays…



Today I awaken re-membering… there, in my mind set of yesterday, I was choosing separation, to think I was so utterly incapable of offering something to this boy. The night has gently re-minded me to connect with my heart to see and feel what he offers to me… and then, to see what we offer each other… and then... to under-stand, all of our steps lead us where we are to be... and then, I arrive at Connection and Oneness… and then here… in Gratitude, Peace, Joy and Love… step, step, step by sometimes, very small step.



Thank you Dear Child for shining Your Beautiful Light so BRIGHTLY! Thank you Creator for the Unlimited Blessings showering upon us ALL!



Do you recall reading about Tom and his sister's 5 orphan children... Please meet his 4 nieces and 1 nephew... Ivan, Kasede, Angela, Lydia and Doreen... pictured here just before they all received their new school uniforms, back packs, scribblers, pens, pencils and math sets...

I am happy to share, Tom starts his new 2'nd job on March 1st and will be earning an additional 60,000 shillings per month on top of the 30,000 he makes from his current job ( about $53 total). It is planned that he will increase his poultry business substantially over time and as a result grow in his ability to afford future school related costs for all the children, expenses we have been able to help them with for this year.



When they were leaving my compound they all turned round to see me and waved bye-bye and then, to my eye, seemed to kind of magically 'float' happily on their way, as it happened, into the beautiful Light of the setting sun!

Celebrating the LOVE that we ALL are, Cath xoxo

'PROJECT'S' UPDATE ~ PART 1!

Imagine! It is now over 5 months I’ve been in Africa with all of my time so far spent in eastern Uganda! Who knew that I would stay this long in one place? I do still plan to move on one day to Rwanda, Tanzania, Malawi and beyond… For now, as the time flies by, relationships with the children and adults I am involved with here deepen, continuing to inform, inspire and enlighten me. I am filled with wonder and even amazement some days as I experience life here, learning more and more about what it means on many levels to say that familiar expression you may have heard in movies, the one that is said here constantly… namely that… ‘THIS IS AFRICA!'



Let me begin this update about ‘project’s’ I am involved with by saying THANK YOU most sincerely for the encouragement and support many of you continue to send this way for me and the children I am working with. In addition to tangible results listed below, your involvement and interest in this journey serve often to renew and replenish me and therefore the children, and we are all very appreciating of your Love. As I carry on my way it becomes quite clear that my heartfelt desire is to continue to serve the orphan children I am meeting and these days I look to be shown the way to do that, both well and long into the future! Their number is many, their need very real and knowing this as intimately as I do now, I move forward in trust, holding these children in the very center of this life I am living, right here in my heart!



I have come to understand, speaking VERY broadly, there are two distinct groups of orphan children living in different circumstances in this area of Uganda (and assuredly many other areas in Africa) whom I am most guided to connect with in Love.

FIRST… There are children who are living in what can be described as ‘CHILD HEADED HOUSEHOLDS’. In general, these ‘TOTAL ORPHAN CHILDREN’, usually with the oldest sibling stepping up into a ‘parent’ role, have remained living together in rural areas, with either minimal +/or no assistance from extended family, on land their parents owned up to their deaths. Starting where the children are with what their parents provided them, and by gaining understanding of how they are currently managing their circumstances, I can begin to realize what form of guidance and empowerment they are most requiring. Priorities reveal themselves to be quite simple and consistent… they are ‘the basics’… food, shelter, health care, education and income. Beginning by addressing each area I learn to keep one unwavering eye focused on empowering the children’s ability to self determine and sustain over the long term any improvements I may be able to assist them with in the immediate. I am finding it keeps things clear for me and the children to emphasize often that while I will surely be LOVING them forever, I am seriously wanting to work myself out of a ‘day to day job’ with them and wish to leave the children empowered into their future while I continue on to assist others who are needing the same attention they are now receiving. I am continually asking the children questions like ‘what will you do about this or that when I am not here on a regular basis’ or ‘how will you manage this in the long run’ or ‘what is a plan about this you can come up with that does not involve or rely on me’ or…?



I witness remarkable strength, courage and openness in the children I meet in this kind of circumstance and I see how truly Graced they have been to survive so long on their own, awaiting some one to come around in answer to their prayers. Indeed, I consider being part of that answer a great responsibility and a great privilege all in one!



Once their current circumstances are understood I ask questions about the children’s hopes, their dreams and wishes and then aiming to build upon their resilient foundation, we move forward considering ways to:

1) Create/expand the growing of ample food for themselves on their land; (although there are many different areas, climate and soil conditions etc. here in Uganda, in the area where I have spent my time so far the land is very fertile, water is generally if not abundantly available at times and there is the probability of at least 2 harvests of several different crops per year)
2) Ensure there is adequate clothing and basic household items for the children;
3) Ensure there is safe, solid and secure housing for the children on their land;
4) Provide assistance facilitating access to and education about proper health care;
5) Enable the younger children to begin/continue their education;
6) Support the older children to continue their schooling +/or attend training in a trade +/or initiate or expand an income generating activity on their land;



My overall intention is clear… do the above within a context that showers and empowers the children with PEACE and JOY and LOVE!



SECOND… There are both ‘PARTIAL +/or TOTAL ORPHAN CHILDREN’ who are currently living with either extended family such as a GRANDMOTHER in many cases +/or a GUARDIAN. Here, along with the children’s well being we have the caregiver and their needs to consider as well. I will share what I have learned about those I have met living in these circumstances and describe various project’s I am currently working on to support them, in ‘part 2' of this project update… soon!

TWO ‘CHILD’ FAMILIES

Over recent months as many blog postings mention, I have been learning with and working extensively alongside 2 families living in rural Bukedea who are headed by children. During the time we have been getting to know one another, my intention has been to put into practice what I’ve described above. Countless Blessings along with your support have enabled me to assist and uplift these families to date in the following ways...



GIDEON'S FAMILY
Gideon 16 yrs , Senior (S) 4, (dreams of being a Vet like his father before him), Martha 14, Primary (P) 6, (dreams of being a nurse), Naume 12, P6, (dreams of being a nurse too! ) older sister Helen with her 2 children Lillian Grace 3 ( can barely wait to start school) and Silis 15 months ~ Since meeting this family, together you and I have:

Supported the entire family with:
~ sugar, salt and soap weekly
~ mosquito nets
~ safe water collection vessels and education
~ access to health care for malaria +/or other treatments required
~ education about HIV/AIDS
~ used clothing for each member
~ a new bike, lantern, digging tool and a deck of cards
~ the hiring of return transportation to see the children at least once a week
~ the plowing of 4 acres of their land to make ready for the planting of maize, cassava, ground nuts, millet and a cash crop, as weather dictates.
Approximately: CDN $180

Supported Gideon with:
~ registration and school fees for first term of S4, starting Feb ‘08
~ a new uniform, socks and shoes
~ school ID, text books, scribblers, pens, a calculator and a back pack
Approximately: CDN $225

Supported Martha and Naume with:
~ new uniforms, socks and shoes
~ school scribblers, pens, math sets and back packs
~ education about and supplies re: feminine hygiene
Approximately: CDN $60

Supported Helen, Lillian Grace and Silis with:
~ a set of beginner readers, a backpack for Lillian and a ball for Silis
Approximately: CDN $9

Family Total = Approximately 810,000Ush or $475CDN


As we continue uplifting this family into empowerment, Gideon, his sisters and I ask for your consideration and support in achieving our present intentions:

~ Sponsoring Gideon with school fees for the balance of this school year and for the 2 years beyond until he finishes senior school (S6) at the end of 2010.
Approximately: CDN $150 for the balance of 2008; $425 for 2009; $500 for 2010;

( 2009 and 2010 fees include the probability of boarding and transportation costs for Gideon as it is likely he will have to attend school in Mbale for these 2 years, returning home on weekends)

( During this time Gideon and his sisters will be working to increase their ability to earn and save income by way of the growing and selling of cash crops alongside their poultry business with the plan that in 2 years they will afford the girls fees when they enter Senior School in 2009 and Gideon’s fees when he enters University in 2011).

~ Sponsoring the immediate planting of the 4 plowed acres ie: seedlings, seeds, fertilizers, etc.
Approximately: CDN $200

~ Sponsoring the initial expansion of the family’s existing small poultry business
Approximately: CDN $175 ( this will provide 10 hens and 1 rooster along with feed and meds for the first 6 months by which time the first hatchlings will be full grown and ready to market )

~ Sponsoring the building of a 3 room brick and iron sheet home*
Approximately: CDN $2,000

* Currently the family of 6 share one aged small mud and grass hut with Gideon sleeping on one foam with Helen’s 2 little ones, while Naume, Martha and Helen share a 2’nd single size foam. Because it has been determined the existing brick home on the land Gideon’s Grandfather willed to him is not stable enough to re-roof as we had once hoped, it is our plan to use that building as a home for an expanded poultry business and to relocate the family from their existing hut into a new 3 room iron sheet home we will build that will serve them all well for many years into the future.



The new family home will look similar to the one drawn on these plans except that it will be a 3 room structure ( one private entrance sleeping room for girls, one for boys, and a sitting/cooking area in the middle) with drums attached to eaves troughs for water collection and storage in rainy season. It will be built of bricks made from local material, secured with metal exterior doors and bars on screened windows, with a one sided sloped roof built with local wood and covered with iron sheets.




BETTY'S FAMILY
Betty 17 yrs, ( completed up to mid primary level at school until parents died, dreams of being a tailor) Moses 15, P5, ( has not attended school consistently since the passing of his parents and is several years behind children his age, dreams of being a Doctor) Morning 10, P5, ( dreams of driving a 'piki piki'... swahili for motorcycle... just like the one we arrive on when we visit!) Peter 8, P3, ( dreams of being a math teacher) Cousin Rose with baby Stella 20 mths, ( when Stella was born with hydrocephalus both were abandoned by baby’s father and it was at that time they came to live with Betty) Grandmother ( weak, prone to sickness ) Since meeting this family, together you and I have:

Supported the entire family with:
~ sugar, salt and soap weekly
~ mosquito nets
~ safe water collection vessels and education
~ access to health care for malaria +/or other treatments required
~ education about HIV/AIDS
~ used clothing for each member
~ a new bike, a ball and deck of cards
~ new blankets, sheets and foamies
~ 2 large cooking pots
~ an emergency care package of food
~ millet and maize for 3 months while Betty is at school
~ the hiring of return transportation to see the children at least once a week
~ the plowing of 4 acres of their land to make ready for the planting of maize, cassava, ground nuts, millet and a cash crop, as weather dictates
Approximately: CDN $450

Supported Betty with:
~ enrollment in a 3 month tailoring course
~ 3 months of lunches while at school
~ a back pack, tailoring scissors, tape measure, thread and fabric
Approximately: CDN $140

Supported Moses, Morning and Peter with:
~ new school uniforms, shoes, socks and belts
~ school scribblers, pens, math sets and back packs
Approximately: CDN $60

Supported Rose and Stella with:
~ Transportation costs to and from hospital in Mbale
~ Medication for Stella
~ Shoes for Stella
Approximately: CDN $15

Supported Grandmother with:
~ a framed picture of herself which she requested and hopes will be viewed after her death
Approximately: CDN $4

Family Total – Approximately 1,140,000Ush or $670CDN


As we continue uplifting this family into empowerment, Betty, her brothers, Rose, Stella and I ask for your consideration and support in achieving our present intentions:

~ Sponsoring 90% of the outstanding balance for the operation to treat hydrocephalus that was performed on Stella, leaving Rose with a realistic 10% amount to pay off.
Approximately: CDN $400

~ Sponsoring the immediate planting of the 4 plowed acres ie: seedlings, seeds, fertilizers, etc.
Approximately: CDN $200

~ Sponsoring the purchase of a sewing machine and start up fabric for Betty once she completes her sewing course end April ’08
Approximately: CDN $150

~ Sponsoring the building of a 3 room brick and iron sheet home (as above)
Approximately: CDN $2,000


To try and put into words how the children feel about the Love being extended to them seems challenging for me… she who so enjoys to write!
I witness changes in their very beings, I see their smiles, hear their laughter and feel their embraces. I know they are amazed that we have even shown up in their lives let alone that we care about and value them and their happiness.

One local man in the trading center near where the 2 families live said to my friend the other day…’I am so grateful for the way that lady is helping those kids because those kids were really in a bad mood and she has really wiped their tears.’

That same friend, who interprets for the children and me, says it this way…
“like, now, the way their lives are changing, they are very happy, according to the connection they are having with you… cause like the other day, the families were saying they are very very happy, they are so grateful. They were saying that your assistance is really appreciated, they have said that if you leave this country they will always Love you and never forget you…’

Perhaps it is our Martha who sums it up most simply for us...As my friend and I were riding out of their compound on the piki the other day, she was running alongside us laughing, saying 'bye-bye bye-bye!' I called out to her 'Martha I Love you!', to which she replied in her very best English 'I Love you too Cathalin, I Love you like a feeesh Loves waaater!'



THE CHILDREN AND I THANK YOU
FOR
THE GIFT OF YOUR
LOVE!

Cath xoxo

A Dreamy Green Van!

Was it 10 years ago, yes, almost to the month, that I had a dream about a green van?
Noticeable immediately to me in the dream, the sliding door was on the left of the van and it looked kind of like a late 70’s VW only somehow ‘beefier’. It was parked somewhere in the tropics on a gentle breezy sunny day in a bright grassy clearing, bushes and trees with gigantic, moist leaves all around. Butterflies frolicked about, birds were singing sweet melodies… You know... ‘Eutopia, Nirvana, Heaven, The Garden’… the van was definitely camped out in LOVE! As ‘I’ watched the dream unfold the side door of the van opened, 2 golden bears emerged and I knew in that moment I was one of those bears. There were children giggling, dancing and singing happily in the clearing around the van, ‘me’ and my ‘no-name 4 legged’ golden partner. The children each with dark sparkling eyes and a gleaming white smile, looked like crystals glistening radiantly in the sunshine.



It was a fulfilling dream, an awakening and familiar one and felt to me at the time as though it was, yup, pretty meaningful! It seemed to hold the destiny of my heart and the seeds of my soul all safely within it. I’ve had a few such powerful dreams over the years… I am one of those who is so grateful for the gift of dreaming and I take notice of them as being ‘matter of heart’ ( a reference to Carl Jung and the same titled movie I once saw about him...) Since awakening from that dream I have remembered, honored and even at times, actively pursued it, following inspirations and guidance prompted by it, all of which have informed and ultimately empowered me onward over many a wonderful mile. During the times when I have tangoed intimately with fear and/or hope on the outside in my life I have naturally and without effort been held constant on the inside, within that dream. And the other times when neither ‘partner’ has been present and I have danced freely and wholly with my self I have felt the Peace of a simple knowingness contained in that dream.



Reflecting on the day I had yesterday, I am these days quite simply (as a friend who I shared the dream with 10 years ago suggested may be the case when she heard I was coming to Africa) within a literal kind of realization of that dream...



Almost every ingredient is becoming present for me here… well, ALMOST! Ok, the van has yet to show up… but it could, at any moment and it would probably have a door on the left as all vans here do; and the environment of lushness, well, it’s nearby too at places like Sipi and Wanale and locals do say consistent rains that will green up everything are coming again soon... but most often, like yesterday, it is dry, dusty compounds where we are parked; and I’m not really resembling a golden bear but rather seem to be a hat and sunglass carrying muzungu whose light skin turns pink in the sun, and my companion isn’t a bear either but a dark skinned African man who apparently moves to the beat of his heart of gold; and we don’t emerge gracefully amongst brilliant butterflies and symphonic music performed by winged lovlies... but rather, coughing, clumsy and awkwardly stiff from a couple hour ride straddling a motorcycle seat dodging potholes and large overloaded careening trucks, through air laced with black vehicle fumes and smoke from garbage burning along the way, into the blowing sand and dirt surrounding the mud and grass huts… but… and here’s the whole point…the children are HERE! The wide, happy bright eyes, the beaming smiles, they are here and they are rejoicing in LOVE... they are singing and dancing, giggling and belly laughing and my heart is huge with Gratitude and Joy and Peace and LOVE to be in the ‘clearing’ of their beautiful presence…



At least that’s the way it was yesterday when we spent time first with Gideon, Naume, Martha, Helen, Lillian Grace and Silis, and then moved on to visit with Betty, Moses, Morning, Peter, Rose and Stella…we played, we talked, we touched, we hugged, we laughed, we ate (hmmm…note to self…once ingested, heavy, glutenous, did I mention heavy ‘cassava bread' seems to transform into a frenzy of frogs with the most robust, resounding ribets…!) we took photos, we filmed and watched home movies of the children singing and dancing having a very happy Sunday… treasured footage indeed! In the last video of the day and summing up everything quite perfectly is Morning...he moves, completely covered in carefree happiness pirouetting round as if the memory of generations of rhythm makers who have danced since the beginning of time is emerging freely from within him with this enormous ear to ear beaming smile that lights up, well, absolutely EVERYTHING…!


Sing it IZ…’Dreams really do come true…!’

Loving you, Cath



Ps…Some other details… A 2’nd job for Tom paying 50,000 shillings per month has Gracefully landed in our laps… we are also working on a plan to support him by expanding his current small 'side business' raising poultry… 3 of the orphan children he cares for are going to school in the village nearby where there are no fees and we’ll have them in uniforms and shoes soon, carrying books, pens and math sets in their backpacks… the other 2 children will be enrolled here in Mbale and we are sponsoring their fees, uniforms etc…we think the mother of 6 will relocate with her children to the village from where they came and we plan to support her getting them all equipped and into school ( there are no fees charged there) and help her re-invent her former family business of either pig or poultry rearing to generate income for them all… and, I really am working on a project’s page update… it’s just seems to be that things are happening very quickly these days and as soon as I get something written it morphs or manifests or...!

A Dad Named Tom...

It was mid morning, day 2 of the children being back in school. I had just passed through the gate of the property where I stay when a man walking up the road greeted me. He said…’ Please, I have heard about you… that you help orphans. Please, I am taking care of 5 orphans and I ask for your help. My sister died and left 5 children. Their father is also dead. They all live with me, my wife and our 3 children. I cannot put any of my sister’s children into school. There is no free primary school here. The fees charged within the city limits of Mbale for ‘Universal Primary School’ are several thousand shillings per term per child, and the children are all in need of uniforms costing 10,000 each. They have no shoes, socks, books, pens or back packs. I was told about you by a woman, a friend of mine who works at the NGO where you have been. Please can you help us.’ I looked over and saw 3 children standing in the shade up against the corner of a nearby building, all wearing ripped, very dirty clothing, all quietly looking out at him and me.



‘Do you have work?’ I asked him. ‘Yes, I take care of animals for that lady over there, I am paid 30,000 shillings per month. I have worked there for 20 years. I asked for 50,000 but she says that is too much. I am able to afford school for my one child of age, and food and shelter for us all but I cannot pay for my sister’s children to go to school.’ ‘What is your name?’ I asked this well spoken man. ‘I am Tom’. ‘Ah, the name my father was called’ I told him. ‘Let us meet again later today and we will discuss how to create a plan to take the children to school Tom’. ‘Kali Mama, Kali’(Ok Mama, Ok).



Tom came over later when I returned home. I learned the names, ages and level at school of his 5 nieces and nephews who range from 6 to 11 years old. I learned that Tom was also orphaned at a young age and completed up to P4 in school until the fee requirements caused him to quit. Tom says he wants to do what he can for his sister’s children, he has a quick mind, has educated himself to speak and understand English well, and he reasons that yes, in the short term we can probably see that the children go to school this year, but in the long run it is necessary to come up with a plan that will help him to create greater income to afford supporting all of the children for the many years of school fees and associated costs that lie ahead. And just like that I am now aware of a man named Tom and 5 orphan children all of whom are asking for our Loving attention and with whom we will find the way to uplift them all into the future.



Every day, at least once, whether at the public market or the NGO, in rural Uganda or walking along the street in Mbale, I am approached by someone who is asking for help. Maybe it is a loaf of bread a man is asking for to feed his family, or it’s a young child selling pineapples on the sidewalk who when questioned why he is not in school says he does not have a uniform and fees or a book or a pen, or it is one of the many people born with limbs askew who lay on the ground outside stores begging for shillings each day or it’s a toughened street child who has not eaten for who knows how long or, like today, it is a printed note asking for help with school fees from a widowed mother of 6, followed by an email an hour later sent to me through this web site from Cameroon, requesting help for a group of orphans...every day, I am asked again and again and again.



And every night, I ask Spirit please continue and continue and continue to teach me to hear with my heart and guide me to answers of Love Love Love…Catherine

WOWOWOWOW!!! The rain just came in a BIG WAY!...accompanied by thunder and very surprisingly, hail too!!! Powerful, loud, creating rivers in the ditches and drenching everything...the parched, dry, dusty, hot, steamy roads, land and people...Ahh! Water!

Be Loved Josephine!

Do you recall some postings ago (Dec 16th and 20th) when I seemed to mix up people and names and wondered out loud just where ‘Josephine’ had come to me from? Happily, yesterday it all came clear, well, sort of…! After a joyful week my friend and I were visiting both child families in Bukedea the day before school was to start, having some fun and making sure all details ( including the need for all the children to eat a healthy and hearty breakfast each day before going to school…) were in order and everyone was good to go! (Guess what the last thing was all of our little school goers were needing… haha… socks! Have your socks ever brought you total Joy? Have you ever completely Loved and Appreciated owning a pair, let alone some new ones…? Wow…these children sure do! And of course...lollipops are pretty great too!) While at Gideon’s, his neighbor came by with her newly born daughter (she is the same little one I posted a picture of last writing). When she handed me the tiny infant I asked the baby’s Mother what she had named her little one. She strongly, proudly replied 'Josephine'! Ahhhh Josephine, Here You Are Darling Angel That You Are... Somehow, you whispered to us you were coming... and now we learn you were birthed into this world by your Loving HIV+ Mom a few short weeks ago, in a small mud and grass hut…



We Welcome You Precious Little One…We Thank You…We Love You!

More soon…
With Love, Cath xoxo